Damn... My creativity hasn't been inspired by anything yet, and I have so many creative desires to impose upon this worthless world... I want to write a book, but I am not stimulated to actually start the writing, or thinking portion of said book. I want to draw and color many pictures, but I am lazy and resent my scanner... There are many wants in my life, but I am unfortunately incapable, or unable to inspire myself into doing them. My life in being a Pharmacist is still in hiatus... I am now more able to do it though, thanks to a possible internship as a Pharmacutical Technician, but it is still a long ways to go... I am not really the artistically adapted between me and my sister... I do have an imagination, but I lack motivation... I am intelligent, but it wavers with my moods... I am very loyal to my friends, but I am easily turned away when I either feel my trust in them is put to question, or if I am emotionally being pulled apart by too many things and I just dump everything away and curl up into a ball while going into my happy place. So, I am rather F***ed up in a sense... -_- Not to mention that I am a misanthropic, nihilistic, satanic, agnostic, and pessimistic kind of person...

My negatives are somewhat easier for me to see than others who probably can see those things that are my positives. I try to see those, but they are hard to find. I am not depressed right now, but I am deep in thought over many things. I am more annoyed with my own inabilities, but I can get over those with time and determination. My father always tells me that I should show more determination in the things that I do, but it always goes from one ear and out the other. I probably should start with posting what I have so far from my stories, or throw some poems in here to at least show something that you can all enjoy. Well, I am going to go and drink some tea and eat a slice of something that my mom made called "Happiness Cake". -_- I fear whether or not it will be delicious, but I am going to attempt to be happy so it isn't a lying cake along with a possibly bad tasting one.

Well the days are coming up for Yaoi-con and I am getting prepared. ^_^ Me, my sister, and some of her friends are all going there and I am just saving up... (Rather badly) to go there. I have played to death Pokemon Diamond so I am temporarily ceasing to play it out of necessity. I am also trying to get a job in various spots. ^_^ I am so close to graduating, but I am not there yet. I only have so many days, and then I will graduate and then get shipped to Job Corp. All for the love of my life... To become into a Pharmacist. ^_^ I am so excited and I am actually impressed that I am even achieving as far as I have. I dunno if I should be extremely excited or not, but in any case... I am still happy nonetheless. I will try to post up somemore of my pictures during this month so keep an eye here. I just hope that my procrastination curse doesnt do me in...

Well I had to go in for surgery, and I had a cyst in me gut! They removed it, but I cannot do anything to strain it or nothing! In otherwords, get lazy and watch T.V.!! I have been going on a diet also since I am a little chubby, but thats alright! I am totally changing my eating habits and everything, but my mom and dad decided to buy pizza without my knowledge. I was slightly upset, but stuck by to my diet... Well alright I had one slice! I am getting Pokemon Diamond since I am a little bit a fan of the games... They are fun and slightly entertaining, but I am beginning to dislike the anime with great zeal. I am also still into Death Note, and am watching the anime. My sister is watching Naruto which I also love! My yaoi fix is steadily increasing, and I have also watched Sensitive Pornograph... Which has the most kinky stuff that I have ever seen... It gets disturbing also, but I skip over that! ^_^ I wanna see Boku no Sexual Harrassment since my sister decided to brag that her friend had shown her it. -__- She gets to see so much Yaoi, and I don't! ^_^ Anywho, I will finish with one last statement... Turkey Bourbon... Got to love it!

Well today I have had a wonderful day that was filled with Death Note manga and attempting once more to make my crappy computer download Death Note anime! Grr... Well anywho, I am happily in love with Mello and I find Near absolutely adorable. ^_^ They almost take the place of L in me heart! I did say almost though, and that means not quite, but still I at least have Mello high enough for me to get jealous for anyone that dares take him away! *shoos away any possible Mello wanters* I am collecting the manga and hope to reach the 12 manga limit soon, and then I will definately get me the How to Read 13 book. I am a major Otaku and of course I have many fanboy crushes on many characters. *sigh* I would have the personality of Mello, if it wasn't for my lazy antisocialness and that I am not a very good person to make friends with people I don't know. I will be going to Yaoi-con sometime September so I am saving up on money to go there... I also have many costumes that I would wanna cosplay, and none of them are Mello, because leather is unbecoming of me... To that end, I wouldn't look good with a big ass scar on my face. *sigh* I am such a money splurger that I would be lucky to get that amount without going into a total insane spending spree.

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Cosplay Costumes |
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Alucard (Hellsing) - 10% completed
Zechs (Gundam Wing) - 3% started
A hobo (Anywhere) - 63% completed
"Need Reno" Sign w/ Shikamaru plushe
- 79% completed
The "Evil Bunny has eaten my brain"
costume - 16% completed


I know most of them are stupid, but I still
love them. My main hope is to finish the
Alucard outfit... but I have my others to
be my safeguards.
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Well I finally, after many months of procrastination, have brought out a couple of new pictures into the fold. I have been trying to attempt at getting a job at Borders, but of course I am a coward at heart and a starting Athest goth so I am rather not very good at trying to look like someone that everyone wants to be around. I haven't had any friends since my move, so I became into an isolationist and give death glares out like free candy. Personally, I rather hate most people now since I had a good time to think things over. It is weird though, because when you have friends... Life becomes less mundane and more easier to handle. Life without them becomes hard and bitter, but you grow more and mature faster. In the end, it is just going to end up that situation tends to put you into a situation that you aren't prepared and you will either end up shattering like glass, cracking at the seams but still holding, or become stronger and push back. Me, I cracked but still holding whats remaining. I am more insane than most will recommend, but insanity is the spice that diversifies life. I would prefer to stay loony and yet be very artistic and not be some straight A student with the attitude and artistic skill of a dried out marshmellow. I should stop rambling, but I am happy that my art is slowly filtering into this place. I will try to bring more in, but likely it will be another long couple of months without motivation.

I love ya all and please try to at least tell me if I suck or not. Give me good criticism and mostly, love me!!!